A girls gotta have a goal.

20 Feb

So-

Some of you may remember from a billion posts ago, that I was writing a book.  Not only that, but that, every birthday, I have a goal to do something during that year.  I stupidly made the goal to finish my book in my 35th year.  And that year is just about up.  Not only that, but I made that goal public, right here on this blog.  And while I doubt you’d hold me to it, I knew I would hold it to myself.  You know what I mean.

Then, you may remember I went to Pitch The Publisher and the buggers turned me down, mostly because they had no sense of humor and they don’t know how hilarious I am (hehe). After drinking away my sorrow I decided that I’d really show them, I’d self publish (because I know some people in the publishing world who would probably get me a good deal) and I’d sell millions of copies and then they’d surly lose their jobs for not seeing my potential.

And that was my goal.  Finish my book, self publish, market it, sell millions, get innocent men with families fired.

And then, it got real interesting up in here because I discovered downloading books.  I’m addicted to it.  I’ve never read so such as a matter of fact.  And I decided that I’d prefer to create a visually delightful downloadable book for you all to enjoy.

So while I have met my goal of finishing my book in my 35th year, it is by no means ready to download.  I mean, I have to get it edited, I have to get the graphics done, and the photos!! My photos need work.  But the big part is done, that is provided that I can leave it alone without messing with it.  That’s the hard part.  I like to tweak. 

I anticipate it will be ready for Mothers Day, that’s my new goal.  And yup, there, I did it again, writing my goal right here on the world-wide-web for all to read.  Why do I do this??  THE PRESSURE!!

Just to tweak your curiosity, I thought I’d give you a teaser.  Just a few lines from the book.  Incase you’re wondering, it’s a book to my boys about all the stuff I hope I remember to tell them, because, well, there’s a really good chance I’ll forget on account of my memory issues and on account of my mind wondering, and oh God you guys, did you hear that Whitney Houston died!!

Anyway, here you are…just a few exerts from…You Ought To Know.

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Have a tie that isn’t leather, zipper or a clip-on and know how to tie it.

If you come home from a bar and decide to deep fry french fries by boiling fat on the stove, I assure you, you’ll burn the house down, and you’ll be on the news explaining how it happened.

Add orange rind to french toast batter.

If you get an e-mail asking for your banking information, don’t respond.

Watch Top Gun.

If you put on the same jeans from the night before, make sure that last nights underwear aren’t in the leg.  They might eventually come out when you least expect it.

The armpits of white t-shirts turn yellow after a while.  Throw it out when that happens.

While Napoleon syndrome isn’t an actual syndrome, there is something to it.

If you don’t want someone to know what medication you’re taking, don’t put it in your bathroom medicine cabinet.

Tissue paper and toilet paper are not the same.  Have both at all times.

If mullets ever come back, avoid getting one.

Floss.

______________________________________________

That’s it for your teaser.  You’re seriously going to love this!!

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2 Responses to “A girls gotta have a goal.”

  1. crystal February 20, 2012 at 10:13 pm #

    i love this. and what a great idea for a book. every boy in the world needs to read even just those few sentences. cheers!

  2. Carolyn February 22, 2012 at 10:51 am #

    What a brilliant idea!!! I think its awesome!

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